Must I need a Mask?

I tried packing a few days ago. I couldnt. The feeling of excitement, anticipation and positive nervousness was replaced with the feeling of sadness, loneliness and as if I am suffering from a withdrawn disorder - all these mixed emotions tell me dumb blog is it because I am reluctant to leave and to go to Bangkok to work which I've always wanted to do? I spent more time with mum and dad when I should at least start organizing and packing my stuff - which item is best to leave, which victim should go with me - it is surprisingly kinda hard because I had unknowingly not only fond of my belongings but became so much attached to them that it is so hard to depart from them. Most of all I cannot imagine me taking two steps back, saying i love yous, take care and giving my parents a peace sign because I only take two steps back to avoid people after giving the finger or my cekap vulgar hand signals and my mouth is to fucking swear in my utter best international language to whoever deserves it. Honestly, after I got back from Melbourne 4 years ago, I've become so attached to my parents, I love them more like I love Neyo or Lil Wayne. I can truly tell you I do not have to go far or out to the world to feel the emancipation or the independence of life as I already have it with me when I am with my parents.

Today was a good day, I woke up feeling uneasy and didnt feel very much alive. The feeling was right because immediately my mobile rang, someone from the company called to reconfirm details with me - that they are sending me to work in Bangkok. I didnt dance like a ballerina, jump like a gay or shout happily on top of my almost cancer lungs infact I felt sad. Affecting and lonely. What is wrong with me? I do not want to know why I am feeling like this so I make sure I have to keep things going, moving forward, plan, organize, pack - it was basically like this the entire day. Sometimes I wish if I can have this mask where I put it on and it can just choreographs my life.