I've been here and there most of the time. I am in Bukit Atas as for now but in a few days time, I am cibai leaving to Thailand this time to Haadyai for work. My company has yet to tell me what do I have to do exactly but I am as for now an international sales and marketing person and this is for the next big thing - all in one park in another kiasu island near Malaysia. I do not know if I will like this job - it is entirely a different thing I am doing and the fact that I am not based in one place for long. The people I am working with are mostly older generation and do not converse in perfect English if you know what I mean. Dear dumb blog, guess I will see how it goes. How do I feel so far you ask - well honestly telling you, I feel lonely, this job requires me to be on my own most of the time. You have to overwork, you have to get used to being lonely all the time. m

Heading down to pusat bandar tersibuk di Malaysia tomorrow. Sienness. So its like this this, I am starting work on Monday yeah, the same day itself the company is sending me off to Bukit Atas yang dingin dan menjadi tarikan pelancong pelancong yang suka risiko tinggi yang melibatkan kertas wang mereka. Will be there for 3 days I think. Question is will I enjoy myself?

Must I need a Mask?

I tried packing a few days ago. I couldnt. The feeling of excitement, anticipation and positive nervousness was replaced with the feeling of sadness, loneliness and as if I am suffering from a withdrawn disorder - all these mixed emotions tell me dumb blog is it because I am reluctant to leave and to go to Bangkok to work which I've always wanted to do? I spent more time with mum and dad when I should at least start organizing and packing my stuff - which item is best to leave, which victim should go with me - it is surprisingly kinda hard because I had unknowingly not only fond of my belongings but became so much attached to them that it is so hard to depart from them. Most of all I cannot imagine me taking two steps back, saying i love yous, take care and giving my parents a peace sign because I only take two steps back to avoid people after giving the finger or my cekap vulgar hand signals and my mouth is to fucking swear in my utter best international language to whoever deserves it. Honestly, after I got back from Melbourne 4 years ago, I've become so attached to my parents, I love them more like I love Neyo or Lil Wayne. I can truly tell you I do not have to go far or out to the world to feel the emancipation or the independence of life as I already have it with me when I am with my parents.

Today was a good day, I woke up feeling uneasy and didnt feel very much alive. The feeling was right because immediately my mobile rang, someone from the company called to reconfirm details with me - that they are sending me to work in Bangkok. I didnt dance like a ballerina, jump like a gay or shout happily on top of my almost cancer lungs infact I felt sad. Affecting and lonely. What is wrong with me? I do not want to know why I am feeling like this so I make sure I have to keep things going, moving forward, plan, organize, pack - it was basically like this the entire day. Sometimes I wish if I can have this mask where I put it on and it can just choreographs my life.

You guys heard Neyo fr Florida - Be on You? Wah sensous hiphop number, very very explosive almost sexual track that makes me wanting Ne Yo fucking me twice and Florida to wine and dine with me. Sweating lah this song. So today is my last day in the bloody cheapo hotel where everyone is too good for everyone. Dear dumb blog, so its like this - I AM LEAVING HERE AND I WILL BE WORKING THERE! Basically, I won't be around which is good, I mean thats what I've always wanted to do. The boss told me it will be anytime this week but cibai oo nyia, didnt call me to update the neccessary. Secretly it is kinda fine too because I am not ready to leave THAT SOON. I mean I still got so many people to do and so many things to see.

Sebenarnya I got 3 interviews. Wahlan. After breakfast, one interview perubatan, then squeezing in lunch interview in Midvalley and last one in the city too. Penat. It better be good for me. Kanneh. Cibai oo nyia.

In kl for the weekend paryting like a rockstar. Aint missing the island at all. Two interviews besok kat Bukit Bintang. Wish me luck AGAIN. So many things to do here different scenes with all walks of life. Scully boy is a babe - accomodative and i will miss him like fuck as he is leaving to Aus soon for a year. I am so tired to look for jobs in KL so if I aint gonna get either one from tomorrow's interview, I am gonna leave it for a while and just stay in this bloody cina keongkan company which I am with right now. My dull depressive personal life is even hotter and raunchier than my current job.

I'm so fucked. Hate my job like kan neh. Dear dumb blog, my ladyboss kan me today because I was wearing a sleeveless turtleneck top, asking me to wear PROFESSIONALLY. Babes, I was fucking wearing a memang pro top just that its sleeveless not that its showing my cleavage and its not a see-thru or an attire that says 'hey i am a sales bitch, get two nites hotel room from me and you will get one free nite with me! SPECIAL RATES NOW!' C I B A I wait till you see my lingerie, my tattoo and did you notice my tongue stud ms ladyboss? Okie nevermind, nevermind, that was in the siang pagi lah, then kan, after lunch she kan me second round again, wah kan me non stop, this time it was my desk, saying its messy and I should be more organized like the others when I am not around in my desk. Dear babe manager, thank god you are super nice nyia, if not I sure strip in your fucking office this morning okie? I tell you this, my desk already do lonely, lepak alone in one corner, diabaikan nicely abandoned from the rest, which means I can mess my neighbour's desk, secondly I only have PAPERS, A PEN AND TWO MISERABLE LEMBIK FILES on my desk, oh the computer they provided me is out of order also. How messy can my desk be? Macam a decent school kid kena some oral abuse from a government school non hot teacher okie? Ms ladyboss, you sendiri hire me as a SALES PERSON get this? SAAA LLLEE SSSSSS !!! You hire me not to be a digit lover accountant or a sassy receptionist or that lansi oo nyia punya front office manager person okie? Sales person are supposed to be very hip, young minded, vulgar at times, rebel when required, quiet when tired, entertain like entertainers, sell what they HAVE to sell and will show you a finger if he or she has to depending on certain circumstances. Wah so late and I am still complaining - dear dumb blog, isntead or saying prayers, I like any true human being enjoys complaining more than saying a simple joy prayer.

Florence got us a free night in G Hotel. We were grilled under the sun, danced in the pool, teased cute kids, played scrabbles, pizzas and ice cream all by the pool. One thing I detest is the fact that we are still in concrete jungle - you can basically see high rise buildings, multilevel car parks and smell the polluted air. You get the picture - ain't a perfect postcard holiday picture but we had fun. Monster sexy fun. The hotel room is of course cekap sleek, bright, modern and minimal - which I can't seem to sleep yet as its one in the morning now, don't ask me why. Perhaps I know that it is already Sunday and I am starting work this Monday - I mean kan neh time flies and is witness to all this - 3 weeks ago I was depressed, agitated frustrated with mixed emotions, worried that I couldn't get a job soon and of course other mental nonsensical issues and now I am no longer a jobless person. What a rollercoaster ride which I had deeply enjoyed tremendously.

I am in Coffee Island now - the most disastrous place ever. I wouldnt want to be caught dead here but my cousin wants to meet up here in Coffee Island. I tell you, this place on a weekday like today is as noisy, boisterous, not explicit but a hint of ah bengness and not my choice of alcohol really. I am amazed with my surroundings here, with a quick survey I can see someone is getting married because they are celebrating it, someone is pissed drunk, people are taking photos, I swear if I were to give birth right here right now no one will know because this place is too damn kan neh bising. So okie, I am waiting for my cousin now so I reckon I can blog now, so that I look buzy. Its like this, a few days back, the soya bean seller was trying to talk to me when I was buzy drinking, the next day in Segas while using my notebook, an ugly creature was trying to get my attention, today while deciding if I should buy sandwich or a pie in a bakery, an aunty was helping me to decide. DO I LOOK THAT OPEN or WELCOMING? Macibai, you guys tell me! Christine said I am approachable, I think I am more like fuckable. Cibai oo nyia. Anyone that feels lonely and depressed, I strongly advise you to patronize this Coffee Island, you will like your depression and loneliness like never before for sure. The tahap kebisingan here is louder than your sad fucked wasted thoughts in your head.

Cibai starting work next week............I should be really happy right? Because I was goddamn worried that I couldnt get a job, but now I have a career because I ALWAYS wanted to work in this line. Of course, I have to keong kan korban other things in order to like what I do. I am not sure if I will really like this job, give it try, if I dont I wont know right? But also there is this position in another line I am dying like DYING to do, hoping the company will hire me. Wish me luck babes.

It took me a long time to complete this puisi as when I first broke up, I had a love-hate relationship with this puisi, it was written with a lot of sadness, tears, anger and of course full of hatred and depression, I wanted so much to burn this puisi that meant so much to me yet build a cage that might not be visible but a true sorrowness that only if one has experienced it, will know.


Dunia menjadi saksi
Kau meracun hatiku ini
Seketika cuma daku mengerti
Kepedihannya terasa begini -
Seperti jin mencuri jiwaku, bertunduk malu kekasih jin menelan hatiku
Hidupku kini bagai didalam keranda kayu
Sayu, tiada lagi kepercayaan tersendiri

Apa daya
Sekelip mata kau berubah
Apakah kita hanya teman tapi mesra
Seperti satu irama yang tidak dapat digubah
Aneh,
Ku terpedaya, terpukau dengan lakonanmu
Ternyata terang kau warnai hatiku - kelabu

Di bak mandi ku merendam rasa
Tak mungkinku melupakan
Sebegini pengalaman
Terlalu istimewa untuk dilepaskan
Terlalu seksa untuk dilafazkan
Terlalu setia untuk disingkirkan
Inilah realiti
Segalanya tinggal memori
Naluri hatiku berkata
Hapuskanlah semua selamanya
Terpaksa ku fahami
Tempatkau bukanlah disini

My interview was great and unexpected, created quite a stir in my pussy, well not like its wetting me but it was so refreshing and exciting this whole job idea thing that I am hoping to work for this company. Oh, the babes are taking me for a short trip. Can't wait to see you babes, trust me I am more excited to see all of you together than the destination itself. I will attempt on a longer entry next time. Ta!

I have an interview in LCCT tomorrow. Cibai. I mean this is not my first interview after being jobless for weeks but I am still a bit nervous. I just hope that I bloody get a job before August comes because as I experienced over the years, August has always been fantastic to me and I dont't want to fornicating fido August this year. Me and August we always create great history. Not porn-like history that's for sure. So I've been eating, sleeping, going for short trips basically doing nothing over the past few weeks. How blissful, how unproductive but I fucking like it. I am feeling it - this emancipation that I've been anticipating.

Since I am so jobless free, I've been checking Sarah Brightman's boobs. Don't ask me why of all things but at least I think her voice is bigger than her boobies. I don't care if I gross you out its just my porn-like humble opinion. Sometimes being jobless it will make you think and do strange things. Other than Sarah Brightman's boobies, I actually attended my cuntsin's wedding. Being jobless is cibai keong kan emotional, its like another side of me surfaces - I cried at her wedding. Because she looked so virgin angel like beautiful. And that I cannot look like that in my Wedding day, I feel so kesian my mother in law already. Dear dumb blog, I hope my jobless period disaster will go away soon, I cannot seem to tolerate this twisting dramatic cocklicking episode of my jobless life.

I need to find peace with everything. I always never try to understand the pendatang asing especially the Indians and Banglas - how they work and the way they fucking couldnt careless to communicate with you. I always never want to layan my dysfunctional family. I always never want to stop swearing and cursing your momma, your pappa, your sista, your brodda and your dog. Tell me someone, how do you define peace? Is it so cibai hard to have it this thing called peace?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I was browsing through my holiday photos and I stumbled upon this - a photo of me and my friends taken back in year 2007 in Phuket. I think this is a fantastic photo of us, so funny and so holiday too. We were walking along Patong beach looking for a decent place to have a late lunch and we came across this westernized Thai restaurant that horrified us. You can see lah in this picture all of us got this are-you-fucking-feeding-an-animal kinda face.

I had a fanfuckingtastic weekend with the babes. Floe and Xtine were very supportive and they really layan my jimo-ness for these past few days. I am still cibai down and very very reluctant to move on because I am sinking and still basking myself in this hearbroken shit. I know it will soon be over just not now I guess. So we had a short weekend getaway sunbathing with the glorious sun, drinking and eating by the pool and watching good clean cut black comedy in a 5 star hotel room at night. It was therapeutic for us and I needed that. I loved every minute of my weekend the sun was sexily hot, the shimmering inviting pool that is filled with mat sallehs I almost drown them and of course the shady palm trees surrounding the place - it was faultless that I shamelessly visioned myself working there already.

I haven't been socializing because I am not ready to go out to the world yet so if anyone is looking for me, just email me to my personal email. If you would like to get my personal email, please request for it in the comment section here in this dumb blog. If anyone have any must try list in order to get over a breakup please let me know as well. Creative ones please. Don't ask me to read a book because I read all the time. If you want me to take yoga, I prefer a jog or a swim which I do that too. Go out and meet more people? Damn, not stepping in there yet. I want something like things I can do alone perhaps. I would love to go for a holiday of course, thats the best but I am broke and jobless so that is not a cock sure idea for now. So keong kan right? So you ask what I did last time to go through a breakup? Last time was utterly different from this - anyways long long time ago, I did what a non-broke person would do, I went all out and drank an aquarium. I spent so much on alcohol that you can blindfold me and feed me any alcoholic drink and I can tell you exactly what it is. Besides intoxicating myself in a hard core way, I met Xtine that time too and I discovered jogging thanks to her. This time around I should try Britney, you know go botak...or which reminds me I did Angelina as in I sponsor a Thai kid in some slum perkampungan area in Thailand. So go on inspire me with new stuff. If you can, you will win a one day getaway with me in the month of July this year. Yes for real.

Oh cibai I have only 7 working days at work and I detest to go back to work tomorrow. I am so bored whoring myself at my workplace that I rather screw a Thai retarded hysterical alligator than to have a good day at work. I climax when I whore the right way.

Hello world! I am jobless now so that is why I am blogging. Don't ask if I am actively looking for one. Dear dumb blog, do you miss me? I do. Really. Just that I am too bitchy to connect with you for these few months.

So for the past few months, yes I've met someone. And that someone is cemerlang and I feel so lengkap with him. But I intend to take a break from this relationshit I've invested in mentally, physically, spiritually and religiously. Oh don't worry bout the religious part lah people, its not like a cult but it is an insult to my religion seriously. Anyways I realized that I do actually take the effort blog when I am not at my best. Why you ask now that I met that godlike person - I want to end the relationshit? Because I am jobless now and I figured I need to satisfied myself personally that is to get a job first before I can really do this whole relationshit thing. Okie so you ask why can't I look for jobs and stay sane and happy with him right? Deep down, I can't, at my age now, I want a career, not a job - so it is rather cibai important for me to get down to it.

Enough about this. Let me take my Xanax first. Yeah, back to god damn drug again. Relax people, I got this pill legally from my Doctor - you see I was hospitalized last week due to stress, anxiety or also known as panic disorder. It could be because I panic because Im jobless, I hated my current job so much and because I got other things to balance out too. Too much for a pendek big eater babe like me.

Why I am happie now:
1. Jobless
2. Manless again
3. Smoke less so i am far from death - which leads to more time to choose my coffin
4. Gain weight for all the good food that i can afford for letting go the rokok money - kos lepas

The pill is intoxicating me in a good way now, I feel sleepy, calm and relaxed. Will write again once I am sober. Love you Xanax. Eh, I mean love you people!