I've been here and there most of the time. I am in Bukit Atas as for now but in a few days time, I am cibai leaving to Thailand this time to Haadyai for work. My company has yet to tell me what do I have to do exactly but I am as for now an international sales and marketing person and this is for the next big thing - all in one park in another kiasu island near Malaysia. I do not know if I will like this job - it is entirely a different thing I am doing and the fact that I am not based in one place for long. The people I am working with are mostly older generation and do not converse in perfect English if you know what I mean. Dear dumb blog, guess I will see how it goes. How do I feel so far you ask - well honestly telling you, I feel lonely, this job requires me to be on my own most of the time. You have to overwork, you have to get used to being lonely all the time. m

Heading down to pusat bandar tersibuk di Malaysia tomorrow. Sienness. So its like this this, I am starting work on Monday yeah, the same day itself the company is sending me off to Bukit Atas yang dingin dan menjadi tarikan pelancong pelancong yang suka risiko tinggi yang melibatkan kertas wang mereka. Will be there for 3 days I think. Question is will I enjoy myself?

Must I need a Mask?

I tried packing a few days ago. I couldnt. The feeling of excitement, anticipation and positive nervousness was replaced with the feeling of sadness, loneliness and as if I am suffering from a withdrawn disorder - all these mixed emotions tell me dumb blog is it because I am reluctant to leave and to go to Bangkok to work which I've always wanted to do? I spent more time with mum and dad when I should at least start organizing and packing my stuff - which item is best to leave, which victim should go with me - it is surprisingly kinda hard because I had unknowingly not only fond of my belongings but became so much attached to them that it is so hard to depart from them. Most of all I cannot imagine me taking two steps back, saying i love yous, take care and giving my parents a peace sign because I only take two steps back to avoid people after giving the finger or my cekap vulgar hand signals and my mouth is to fucking swear in my utter best international language to whoever deserves it. Honestly, after I got back from Melbourne 4 years ago, I've become so attached to my parents, I love them more like I love Neyo or Lil Wayne. I can truly tell you I do not have to go far or out to the world to feel the emancipation or the independence of life as I already have it with me when I am with my parents.

Today was a good day, I woke up feeling uneasy and didnt feel very much alive. The feeling was right because immediately my mobile rang, someone from the company called to reconfirm details with me - that they are sending me to work in Bangkok. I didnt dance like a ballerina, jump like a gay or shout happily on top of my almost cancer lungs infact I felt sad. Affecting and lonely. What is wrong with me? I do not want to know why I am feeling like this so I make sure I have to keep things going, moving forward, plan, organize, pack - it was basically like this the entire day. Sometimes I wish if I can have this mask where I put it on and it can just choreographs my life.

You guys heard Neyo fr Florida - Be on You? Wah sensous hiphop number, very very explosive almost sexual track that makes me wanting Ne Yo fucking me twice and Florida to wine and dine with me. Sweating lah this song. So today is my last day in the bloody cheapo hotel where everyone is too good for everyone. Dear dumb blog, so its like this - I AM LEAVING HERE AND I WILL BE WORKING THERE! Basically, I won't be around which is good, I mean thats what I've always wanted to do. The boss told me it will be anytime this week but cibai oo nyia, didnt call me to update the neccessary. Secretly it is kinda fine too because I am not ready to leave THAT SOON. I mean I still got so many people to do and so many things to see.

Sebenarnya I got 3 interviews. Wahlan. After breakfast, one interview perubatan, then squeezing in lunch interview in Midvalley and last one in the city too. Penat. It better be good for me. Kanneh. Cibai oo nyia.

In kl for the weekend paryting like a rockstar. Aint missing the island at all. Two interviews besok kat Bukit Bintang. Wish me luck AGAIN. So many things to do here different scenes with all walks of life. Scully boy is a babe - accomodative and i will miss him like fuck as he is leaving to Aus soon for a year. I am so tired to look for jobs in KL so if I aint gonna get either one from tomorrow's interview, I am gonna leave it for a while and just stay in this bloody cina keongkan company which I am with right now. My dull depressive personal life is even hotter and raunchier than my current job.

I'm so fucked. Hate my job like kan neh. Dear dumb blog, my ladyboss kan me today because I was wearing a sleeveless turtleneck top, asking me to wear PROFESSIONALLY. Babes, I was fucking wearing a memang pro top just that its sleeveless not that its showing my cleavage and its not a see-thru or an attire that says 'hey i am a sales bitch, get two nites hotel room from me and you will get one free nite with me! SPECIAL RATES NOW!' C I B A I wait till you see my lingerie, my tattoo and did you notice my tongue stud ms ladyboss? Okie nevermind, nevermind, that was in the siang pagi lah, then kan, after lunch she kan me second round again, wah kan me non stop, this time it was my desk, saying its messy and I should be more organized like the others when I am not around in my desk. Dear babe manager, thank god you are super nice nyia, if not I sure strip in your fucking office this morning okie? I tell you this, my desk already do lonely, lepak alone in one corner, diabaikan nicely abandoned from the rest, which means I can mess my neighbour's desk, secondly I only have PAPERS, A PEN AND TWO MISERABLE LEMBIK FILES on my desk, oh the computer they provided me is out of order also. How messy can my desk be? Macam a decent school kid kena some oral abuse from a government school non hot teacher okie? Ms ladyboss, you sendiri hire me as a SALES PERSON get this? SAAA LLLEE SSSSSS !!! You hire me not to be a digit lover accountant or a sassy receptionist or that lansi oo nyia punya front office manager person okie? Sales person are supposed to be very hip, young minded, vulgar at times, rebel when required, quiet when tired, entertain like entertainers, sell what they HAVE to sell and will show you a finger if he or she has to depending on certain circumstances. Wah so late and I am still complaining - dear dumb blog, isntead or saying prayers, I like any true human being enjoys complaining more than saying a simple joy prayer.